Updated: Mar 19, 2020
I believe that we are born to wander. To wonder if we like the person that we are. To be curious about the world and people around us. To find ourselves when we feel like we’re lost and ready to give up. For me, I think that I have developed a sense of wanderlust to try and understand this crazy world that we live in. Life is definitely an adventure with many mountains to climb. When we lose our focus, it is easy to find yourself lost in a dark forest.
A couple of years ago, I was very lost. For so long, I was silently in pain. I felt like I was screaming out to the world, yet, no one could hear me. I felt feelings of loneliness, even when surrounded by loved ones. Inflicted pain on myself in hopes that the pain in the rest of my body would subside. I know I was not alone during this time, but it was like a drug. Some say it is a way of grasping for attention and love. I thought it was because I was lonely. In reality, I was looking for someone or something to save me! The truth is, I got distracted and took my focus off of the path I was supposed to be on. Of course, I woke up when I realized I was going downhill instead of upwards. It was a harsh awakening with even more pain and frustration than the first time. Despite the difficulty, I finally reached out for help and I made it through the mud and pain… and I’m okay now.
I don’t think I ever found exactly what I was looking for, but I did discover a lot about myself and others along the way. I realized that a lot of my pain unnecessary and self inflicted. I realized that I was loved and supported. I realized that people can either hold you back or lift you up. I realized that my path is different from the person’s next to me. We are all living our lives in hopes to reach the top of this mountain. Some find their way to the top right away, others get held back or detoured. We are all meant to take different roads and journeys, but we put ourselves through so much more trouble when we start to stray from our path to follow someone else’s. We are called to love and support those around us, but instead we fall into the trap of following them. Switching our goals to be like the person next to us, instead of the person we’re supposed to be.
Life is such a crazy adventure. There are always going to be good and bad times. There will be times when you start to wander again, and that is okay, but you have to remember what your ultimate goal is. One of my mom’s favorite quotes that she always reminds me of is to, “find joy in the journey.” Although I have experienced some hardship, I like to believe that I have overcome and also learned from my mistakes. I like to think that all the little things that have brought me to where I am today, they all have a purpose. The people I’ve met, the mistakes I have made, the choices I continue to make, they are all stepping-stones to my future. I’ve learned that some adventures need to be taken step by step. While others may require a little help from others. Ultimately, I learned that this is my life. If I don’t like the way it is turning out, I am the only one who can change it. I am stronger than what the world tries to tell me and convince of. I believe that I can and will make it to the top of this mountain.
I just want to encourage you to make it to the top of your mountain. Do not be afraid to wander. To wonder if you are loving enough or if you are the person you want to see in the world. To be curious about the needs of others, not just yourself. To find and open yourself up to new possibilities, even if it is a little scary. Life is about risk and throwing yourself out there. If you fall, and scrape your knee, you’re normal. We all fall, mess up, forget, and fall short. The world will always find something to criticize you about, but you don’t always have to listen. You have a choice and can determine how you want your life to go. Do you want to continue being lost in darkness through the forest? or do you want to find joy and sunshine through your journey? The choice is up to you.